'Visitor' E.P. - 1 Year Anniversary
Recently my debut E.P. ‘Visitor’ has celebrated its one year anniversary since release! It’s crazy to think how fast the time goes by. I remember very vividly how excited I was to turn up at a professional studio for the first time, how anxious I felt discussing every single detail of the release with my team, and how eager I was to show you my first major achievement in the music field.
‘From a Beginner to a Beginner’‘From a Beginner to a Beginner II’In my previous articles I talked about the lessons that I learned at the studio while recording, mixing and mastering my first E.P. If you haven’t had a chance to read those articles, definitely check out . This time, in celebration of ‘Visitor’s first anniversary, I’d like to tell you more about the songwriting process of the 4 tracks that ended up on the record and discuss the messages those songs send. If you'd like a free digital copy of 'Visitor', just click on the button below!
'Dance With Me'
I wrote ‘Dance With Me’ around 2 months after I made my big crazy move to the UK to chase my dreams and to play pretend at leading an independent life of a self-sufficient adult. It was an exciting time, but also a very uncertain one. I didn’t know what was coming next. I had no clue how to make things work and what it was that I needed to do in order to be able to stay for a longer period of time than my university course lasted. At some point I felt so stressed over figuring out what my life plan was and whether it was going to work out that I stopped enjoying there here and now present moments of life. And those moments were beautiful: I moved to a vibrant new city; I was a fresher at one of the best universities in the country; I finally got a chance to put my music out there in front of the audience who cared about it. ‘Dance With Me’ was a soothing piece of advice to encourage myself to embrace the uncertainty and the mistakes that we occasionally make; to look around, and to enjoy what we already have in our lives instead of losing our minds by fearing of what the future holds.
‘Come on, and dance with me!
We’re gonna celebrate
Our mistakes and mishaps
Harsh turns of fate
Come on, and dance with me
Life is tough but so are you
You say you don’t know what to do
No worries, I have no clue too’
Originally, I wrote it as quite a melancholic melody full of the anxiety and distress that I was experiencing at that point. I played it at a few gigs and then excluded it from my set for a good half a year. In the summer of 2015 after a major flat clean up, I found the lyrics of ‘Dance With Me’ written on a random piece of paper and suddenly decided to change the chords to much happier ones, transforming the song into a cheerful fiery tune that celebrated the beautiful moments of life that happen right here right now. Since then the track became one of my all-time favourites. It projected a certain lightness and ease that I badly needed at that stage of my life. When the time came to choose what songs should be included in the E.P., I knew that ‘Dance With Me’ was the one that must be added no matter what. While working in the studio, I added extra keys, xylophone, lots of claps and clicks along with different harmonies to bring the cheerful spirit out. The track ended up being my first official single and I couldn’t have chosen a better one to kick-start my career.
'In My 20s'
I always finish my live sets with ‘In My 20s’. There’s something special about this song that makes the audience connect with it so well. Whenever I need to get the crowd’s attention, ‘In My 20s’ is my go-to song. I wrote it at the end of spring 2015 after a very interesting conversation with my colleague. At that point I was working as a paralegal at a regional law firm. As per usual, I’d head to the kitchen to make my first cup of coffee (ok, maybe my second…) and to have a little morning chat with my co-workers in the process. On that day I bumped into Jake, who was an associate at the firm. Apart from having a brilliant career, he also had a lot of really interesting hobbies such as sailing around the world and swimming with sharks. Not sure how we started talking about age, but this well-rounded man, who has managed to try out so many crazy things in life, expressed a really interesting thought that inspired me to write this song. Jake said that being twentysomething is amazing because you can do all those things that he at his age wouldn’t be able to go for (bare in mind, the shark swimming hobby, though!). He said that when you’re twenty you can be bold and make mistakes without the fear of facing serious consequences. And Jake couldn’t phrase it better. When you’re young, you feel adventurous and you’re not scared to take risks, because after all, it’s only your life that you need to take care of. I choose to believe that it’s possible to preserve in the same spirit throughout all of life, and I always say during my gigs that it doesn’t matter what age you are at, this song is about anybody who 'is up for an adventure'. Despite that, unfortunately, there’s a lot of wisdom in Jake’s words: for example, it wouldn’t be as easy to leave everything behind and move to a foreign country with no coherent plan if I had a child to take care of, would it?
Though, I couldn’t really imagine anything that a man like Jake, who was planning to take a trip to Siberia for a month to see a real bear, could not do. I was so inspired by our conversation, that I went home and wrote a song about it. ‘In My 20s’ is my tribute to the thirst for adventure that I’ve always had, and a celebration of the promise that I made myself to lead the life that I wanted without fear and hesitation. The song doesn’t promote recklessness. Instead, its key message is to live your life in a way that you won’t feel any regret 'right before… funeral'.
‘From now on I only listen to my heart
Lived in a bubble, never looked around
It’s actually the best time for mistakes
Don’t know anyone who made it in one take
I’m in my twenties, in my twenties, in my twenties
I’m in my twenties’
'Trouble'
No matter how hard I tried I could never trace back to the time when I wrote ‘Trouble’. My best guess is that it was created near the end of 2014 when my affair with Bristol City was at its peak. I think the song really conveys the atmosphere of the place and showcases the beautiful eccentric nature of its residents. After all, Bristol is the city which attracts all the dreamers of the South West.
‘Trouble’ is not about someone specific, which is quite rare for my songwriting. It’s a collection of opinions and attitudes, beliefs and positions. It’s a song about a whole generation that dreams of standing out from others but prefers to hide in the crowd because it doesn’t infringe on their comfort zone.
‘Going with the flow, but willing to stand out
Screaming that we’re lonely while hiding in the crowd’
It’s about people who suffer from loneliness, yet who are almost proud to remain misunderstood and estranged. It’s about someone who says that no one understands what they’re going through, but after a brief conversation it becomes apparent that they’re not the first ones to struggle with this “unique situation” they got themselves into. I guess, the young generation truly enjoys some extra drama in their lives and ‘Trouble’ is a collection of these extreme positions. I myself am guilty of pushing things to extremes.
‘Say that you don’t care, be on your own
Build walls around you and see how we go
And no one understands how exceptional you are
The whole generation’s like a unique replica’
I always had an ambiguous opinion of the phrase “what’s done is done”. On the one hand, indeed we can’t change the past and all we can do is just move on. However, quite often we take too much comfort in that position. We’d deliberately get ourselves into trouble just for the thrill of it and then we’d shield ourselves from the consequences saying that it can’t be helped because what’s done, said or missed is indeed in the past and is gone for good.
‘I go where trouble can follow
I know that it’s too late to bother
What done is done
What said is said
What missed is missed
Get a grip, it cannot be that bad’
The song doesn’t mock these extreme positions; instead, it tries to explore them. What it does make fun of, though, is pointless whining that people have a tendency to turn to when their dreams don’t come true immediately. Sometimes I catch myself with such irrational behaviour, and more often than not, after thinking about my unbearable misfortunes, I find it that actually I haven’t tried that hard yet or haven’t done that much to justify my complaints about the world’s injustice. I also like the idiom “be careful what you wish for”. I feel like a lot of my peers talk about the big dreams they have, but in reality they simply enjoy entertaining the idea of having these unreachable goals without having any intention to bring them to life. I strongly believe that’s not the case for me, but I think a lot of people are actually scared of their own dreams and the changes that the accomplishment of those dreams might bring.
'Tell me ‘bout your dreams
Now tell me what you’ve done
To make them come true
Now you see why you’re down
Tell me ‘bout your fears
Is getting what you want
Among them, among them, among them?’
‘Trouble’ was the track that really transformed my sound! When I wrote it, I knew that the ‘me and my guitar’ kind of sound wouldn’t be enough. I heard all those melodies and harmonies in my head, and I was desperate to find the way to bring them to my live set without hiring a band. That’s when the idea to purchase a loop station came to me and when I embarked on this wonderful search for a much bigger sound to express myself. ‘Trouble’ laid the foundation for what kind of artist I wanted to be and it will forever have a very special place in my heart.
'Visitor'
Until recently I had no piano in England, so I couldn’t play my piano songs during live sets. I find it ridiculous, because first and foremost, I’m a classically trained pianist and not being able to have my main instrument for almost two years made me feel very sad. Despite that I knew that I wanted to have at least one piano song on the record. Naturally, having left my good old piano back in Moscow, I wrote all my new songs on the guitar instead. So, despite still liking my old piano music very much, I realised that it didn’t fit in within the concept of my upcoming E.P., because I wrote those songs when I was in a completely different place in life. So, I did some research and found a rehearsal space with a piano at my university and wrote ‘Visitor’ specifically for the E.P. It’s actually interesting how the song ended up being the title track of the record and really defined its whole concept because it was never meant to be that way. I had certain doubts, while choosing the name for the whole E.P. I was going back and forth from one idea to another, but eventually, it all fell into place and the choice that I’d made seemed the best one, because at that stage of my life, I was just that - 'a visitor'.
‘Visitor’ draws a line under my first year in Bristol, summing up the crazy adventure I had.
'On a sad note this journey ends
I didn't think it'd be so intense'
It’s very different from other tracks in its style and message and it perfectly conveys my emotional state at that point. In Russia we have a saying: “to live as on a volcano”, which means to live never knowing what’s around the corner. My other songs portray it as exciting but sometimes it can be pretty exhausting. You can’t commit to anything because you’re not sure if you’re going to be around.
‘Don't count on me, I will not stay here
I am a visitor
Don't count on me, I will not stay here
I am a visitor‘
And when things don’t go according to plan, you feel defeated. Throughout our lives, we often find ourselves competing for things, whether it’s for success, affection or recognition. Though envy is not in my nature, in this chase against the clock and against others, it’s easy to start comparing yourself to your competitors. And of course, this can be pretty destructive. ‘Visitor’ explores this feeling.
'We had the same dreams
Why didn't mine come true?
I was too busy trying to outmatch you
Now there's not much that I can do’
Retreating is hard, but retreating knowing that others made it and you didn’t is ever harder. In September 2015 I had to go home for half a year during the break between my studies despite all my attempts to get a more permanent position in the country. Though my absence wasn’t that long, it did hit me hard on an emotional level and this track effectively conveys my reluctance to leave.
‘It was my time and my town
Now it's your time and your town
And at all times back in my town, in my town
I don't feel welcome’
Despite sounding very sad and tragic just like the infamous movie soundtracks where someone dies at the end, the song is not that pessimistic. After all, my departure wasn’t permanent and though I clearly showed some aptitude for extra drama, I’ve never been the one who gives up easily. So, there’s a glimpse of positivity in the midst of all this sadness, because no matter how tough things get, ‘there’ll be another chance to fight’ and we should always keep that in mind. Also, there’s a real door slam sound in the middle of the track, surely that’s a sign of self-irony.
Consequently, my debut E.P. ‘Visitor” became a diary of my first year in Bristol, as well as my first year pretending to be a functioning adult. It showcased my ups and downs, my successes and defeats, my hopes, observations and conclusions. It’s a mixture of beautiful nativity and delusion of a young person who’s just learning, and the wisdom and sarcasm of someone who already knows a thing or two.
I’d like to thank every single one of you who has ever listened to at least a few seconds of this E.P. Your support means everything to me and keeps me going at the hardest of times. Also, ‘Visitor’ wouldn’t have seen the world if not for the wonderful people who joined my team and helped me create something that I will always be very proud of.
If you haven't had a chance to check out 'Visitor' E.P., you can do it on any of these platforms.
If you'd like a physical copy, you can easily get one here.
Partially based on the article written by Ria Timkin for Rock-Vector N21 (41) 05.06.2016
Photos taken by Matt Walkley
Editor: Naomi Kendal
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